Is it too early to start couples counseling?
The question of when to start counseling is a popular one, so I thought it would be helpful to share my, admittedly biased perspective. Couples tend to look for the right time to start counseling rather than the important step of just getting started. So, is it too early for couples counseling?
The answer is that it is never too early to start couples counseling. On the other hand, it can definitely be too late to start couples counseling. Many couples start couples counseling as a last resort. They tend to start when someone has already threatened to move out or is starting the process of packing up their belongings. Or they start when there have been years of poor communication, a poor sex life, or circular arguments that never get resolved. What happens when you wait too long is that you allow resentment to build. You allow yourself to forget what it is you appreciate and value about your partner. Your daily life becomes one in which you feel alone and questioning how you got yourself into this marriage with a stranger. At these points in a relationship, couples counseling becomes so much harder! What is much more helpful is to recognize when things feel off early in your relationship, but you still feel the affection and love for your partner. Otherwise, couples counseling will feel even more difficult because you are trying to re-kindle something that has been gone for so long. It is so much easier to build something out of something than to build something out of nothing.
To put it in different terms, think of it this way: When you get a cut on your body, you do what you are supposed to do. You put disinfectant on, you put on a band-aid, and, if it is a big cut, you go to the doctor. In other words, you heal it. If you face a similar wound in your relationship, your choices are to tend to it and do the healing work or to let it fester. If you let it go, it becomes bigger over time. The wound spreads, it becomes an infection, and suddenly you are missing a vital part of what makes you you when you have to amputate a body part! That might be a harsh way to think about couples counseling, but it is true! Letting resentment grow for your partner is a dangerous infection that results in cutting your partner out of your life. Do not allow your relationship to become something that you do not care about or that you find hopeless. There is always hope, especially if you can start doing the work earlier before it piles up to become insurmountable.
So, there is no such thing as “too early” for couples counseling. It is just as important to know how to communicate with your partner when you are dating, pre-marital, and in the middle of a decades-long marriage. You deserve a connected relationship at any stage in your life, so do not wait until there is no hope left to try. To use one more metaphor, don’t cram for the test ten minutes before it starts! Be prepared and pass with flying colors instead.
If you want to get started with couples counseling in Colorado Springs and learn vital communication skills, as well as learn to connect more deeply with your partner, get started with A Shared Heart Counseling today! We offer both in-person and online sessions, for your convenience.
